ok i lie…
haha….
M.A.L.A.S
Hmmm…….look at my left…look at my right….work load and another workload…
Ok….i cant bear with work load….
Look at my right..look at my left…stupid dickheaded jerk….stupid moron….that…i cannot bear…not another day..not another minute…not another second…
This work….this environment…the magic is not there anymore…
Hey you!
Looking at the long silence new post i thinking about writing again…i miss writing so badly…i can still remember the feeling of couldn’t stop writing that i had before..wish to have that back….
Looking at the stats…i notice that the reader reduced to almost zero….maybe 1 or two visits…some drop by accidently…and some re reading my previous post that they find hillarous…
Looking at myself….now…the spirit of working deteriorate so freaking bad…..i used to be hyper..hardcore..and full spirited but ever since the latest project i involved….i became so damn fuck up….tired….mentally breakdown….everyday im looking for excuse for not to come…..
Hopeless….
Tired with the people…i can bear with the work…but those damn stupid people and leadership makes me…(and not only me) so lethargic!
Everyday…at least one word of cursing come out off my mouth…
Everyday……
I use to fancy my rugged jumpsuit and boots…feeling so alive wearing the outfits and set myself to work….now i could help the feeling of uneasiness…
Everyday…at least one person messed up with me…
At least..one thing screwed up…
Wonder what kind of syndrome im having…but like i said…..not only me….absolutely not only me…
Corruption…
Stupid dickhead leader…
Management where we can’t lean on…Stupid system…
Team workload with only one-man show…
……demmm
If i can write everything….i would…but it will waste my suppose-to-be brightful day…
.
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Im trying to come out with something cheerful…
I miss my super retarded and funny post…hehhe…
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Hehehe….cakap omputih….wahahaheeheh
100 days??
Its been almost 100 days since i’ve last wrote….dah lupa agaknye mcmana nak tulis blog…
project baru? barulah sangat~~~~~~~
kita wat cerita stail bullet points…biar nampak ringkas dan padat!
- masuk project baru….barulah sgt…..project lama..pastu aku keluar…bikin 3-4 project…project lama tak abis lagi….masuk balik project lama
-hari2 sakit kepala dgn ini project! mcm haram
-meeting untuk naik gaji kena pospon lagi…management ni pon bukan pandai sgt…kengkadang bodoh jugak…
-berangan gaji masuk nak beli boot baru…tp kena kensel sbb lupa…lum baya zakat
-blog dah lapan abad tak update…jalan blog org laaaaaagila lama tak buat…menjadik2 aku punya sombong…
-mood nak berblog dah hampir zero….(tp setiap kali update leh dapat panjang…ntah ape ilmu pakai)
-tak best pun jadik engineer…
-teringin nak jadik tukang masak
-kengkadang teringin nak jadik tukang jahit….
-nak masuk biggest loser
-bulan ni takde OT…bulan depan punyer gaji baru boleh senyum
-berangan nak beli banglo
-kengkadang rajin
-selalunyer malas
-basikal hebat bila turun opis sbb jalan semua slope turun bukit….bila nak balik hidung kembang kempis kayuh
-hari2 pun mak masak sedap
-ada org on keypad tone pastu taip msg masa meeting…tak tau dia ni bodoh ke hape…
-harini aku notice kalau sebut ‘actual’ banyak2 kali pakai air liur lebih bayak dari biasa…
-Safety Officer salah sebut ‘competency’ dalam meeting…dia sebut ‘compesenty’…(sumpah aku tak ketawa…aku senyum je)
-Ipin salah sebut Wijaya..dia sebut ‘Wijarab’ sejurus selepas aku sebut ‘Action Builder’ instead of ‘Actual builder’
-dah masuk musim limau…2-3 minggu ni kembung makan limau aje le…
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gambar hiasan
p/s: nampak 2-3 org korek idung kat site…aku terpikir depa ni dtg2 jumpa aku diskas pasal fabrication tunjuk2 drawing dah baso tgn ke belum….?
power of liquify
the power of liquify….
did you know that other than constant committed diet for straight 5 months…you can still look good using liquify?
but sorry to say that the after effect only available in photo…hahahahaha…bluff!!!
owh..other than spot healing brush…i also love liquify….
a temporary and imaginary effect…
simply for fun!!
hell this one not require a 5-monnth-i-dont-eat-rice crap…
wonder how the ‘before’ photo looks like? i bet you dont wanna see that…hhahahahaa…
nota kurus: dah lama tak layan photoshop…sudahnye slide presentation tak siap…
noto photoshop: for easy lomo effect>>just play with layer and curve…start off with vinnegetting the photo first…
she’s so far…
nervous….
eheh..
nervous nak nai kl end of this week….maunya tak nebes…kene pass through presentation to management dulu….baru leh cucuk langit guling2…
eheh….
neves nak jumpe bff and her baby….
i know this is going to be so damn exciting..so damn fun!
yet….
nervous about the ones who i’m going to meet…
and nervous about the one who i’m not able to meet…
i miss her…
and she’s so far…..
Ngeeee……
kata orang mimpi itu mainan tidur…
tak kesah la mimpi tu jatuh kategori mimpi romantik ke..mimpi terbang ke..mimpi hantu ke…mimpi merepek ke….semuanya mainan tidur…
kata org jugak kalau kita ingat mimpi tu….benda tu takkan terjadik….and kalau kita bangun2 kita tak ingat mimpi ape..maknanya possibility mimpi tu jadik real adalah tinggi….and when it happened…something triggered us…
“dem..i feel like it happened before”
and this is what people normally respon to that..
dejavu….
wuhuuu……
whaha….aku dgr org kata la….org tu buat research ke tak, aku tak tau la kan…
ape yang penting aku nak cerita aku mimpi ape semalam…..mimpi ngeri…dem aku ingat and aku even berdebar2 bila bangun tidur sebab rasa mcm real…
aku mimpi…..aku kena buat karangan bahasa melayu…
dem….crap giler mimpi…dah berapa abab tak buat karangan….and seriously aku masih ingat tajuk karangan aku…tajuknya pasal Perkembangan Melayu di Malaysia..
mimpi itu dimulakan dgn cikgu subjek sains aku masa sekolah tulis tajuk karangan kat papan hitam..itu dah jelas menunjukkan kemerepekkannya….apehal cikgu sains nak suruh tulis karangan bahasa melayu….dan clasmate aku bukan classmate aku yang dulu…tp budak2 opis sekarang…
aku takda idea….tak tau nak tulis ape…aku tgk atas meja aku ada kertas conteng…draf karangan aku…bila nak tulis aku kensel2 banyak kali….sbb…sbb….tulisan aku buruk…aku benci…aku tulis sikit aku kensel…aku tulis sikit aku kensel…tetap buruk jugak…
tiba2 mimpi tuka scene…ipin depan mata aku…tgh buat slide presentation yang hebat…siap ada montaj gambar terbang2….cerita karangan tulisan buruk dah habis…tetiba kena buat slide presentation untuk subjek bahasa inggeris…entah ape tajuk tak ingat….tp ipin punya slide ada gambar2 bayi…erk?!? mungkin sbb isteri dia tgh sarat..aku leh mimpi dia buat slide presentation pasal bayi…
mimpi aku makin merepek nampaknya….slide bahasa inggeris tak siap…mcm haram je….leh ada bunyik countdown clock…menunjukkan masa dah suntuk….aku cemas….aku taip dah tak tentu arah….berpeluh2 peluh…stress…tetiba budak sekolah lama dtg…bagitau karangan tu kena present dalam slide jugak! What the??!!
dalam cemas2 mak aku kejut….aku sentap…bangun dgn keadaan stress….
mcm haram…..aku sedar mimpi tu adalah pembawakkan aku tak siap slide presentation untuk present next week….
siot….aku tak start lagi….nak present ape pun aku tak tau…
memang betul2 crap je mimpi…mcm crap je jaga piping…dgn experience aku yang ciput…dgn subcon yang bengkak jugak…dgn client pulak hebat dan gigih tahap dewa2…aku memang berasa hina….
rasa mcm nak karok je niari…..
malas mencapai tahap dewa
malas…
malas…
malas…
project dah sail away….tp tahi2 kerja masih banyak….dan biasanya kerja pembershan tahi lebih menyakitkan hati dari kerja kill punchlist masa project tgh peak..
namun begitu…even kita menganggap kerja2 itu umpama tahi2 cirit yang bertaburan….client kita akan tetap berkeras mahu tahi itu di clearkan dgn segera…contoh2 kerja2 tahi adalah….
1. review, remark, stamp and sign off red line drawingssssss…owh…drawing banyak giler….lagi sakit bila STQ, SI, reflect kat drawing tp ada mangkuk tak capture..
2. progress outstanding, prefabrication small bore pipes/utility lines, pipe support fabrication
3. final progress reports-tolong planner sapu tahi mereka
4. test packages-tolong QC sapu tahi2 mereka
5. susulan review red line drawing..menyusul pula kerja review, sign off As-built drawingsssssssssssss
6. material list to shiploose
7. identify carry over work/ additional work -tolong QC settlekan tahi2 agar tiada lagi tahi2 lain yang tinggal
semua diatas aku malas tahap cipan nak melaksanakanya…client aku bingit….dia maki aku..aku maki subcon…begitulah aturannya…
owh ya…presentation bodoh itu harus dilakukan juga…belum start….satu hape sepatah haram pun belum start…
tp hebat..aku leh taip entri ini dgn laju lancar tanpa tekan2 butang backspace…banyak saja idea nak mencarut…
esok harus kerja….harus clear semua tahi2…
kalau perlu maki…kita maki….kalau tak maki subcon sedap2 je kencing kita…dan kita anan berbau hancing..
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keji….entri ni mcm busuk je…penuh najis..
sekarang aku tgh pikir….nak publish? tak nak?…nak publish? tak nak?…wah….punyalah komited tak mau tekan backspace nak kasik ejas entri ni…
nak publish? tak nak?
kiter citer benda lain sikit…
cuti ada nam hari…aku habeskan next2 week..mesti mahu cuba dapat pergi kuala lumpur(tempat paling malas aku nak jejak..tp dah ada gps hati takde gusar sgt la)
suda lama mahu pergi sana…bukan haku nak jalan sgt kl tu…tak terhegeh2 langsung nak mengadap kl…aku cuma mahu pergi kerna sigebu sarah….my BFF’s baby…..yang aku teringain sgt2 nak tgk….rasa macam baru semalam kokon bagitau salih declare propose nak couple…..rasa macam baru semalam aku lompat2 gedik2 suke….hari ni….kokon sudah ada baby girl….sgt bulat dan merangsang aku untuk menggomol dgn rakus…
aku nak curik jugak gambar sarah..aku tak mintak izin…pedulik hape mak dia nak marah..hahahahahahaha
i counln’t make up when kokon cherished her mommy moment….sad…
tp takpe!! sarah! auntie bubu yang gorgeous anggun cantik menawan akan datang!!! tunggggguuu!!!! *cakap dgn penuh semangat hidung kembang kempis
Binatang sengau harga cekik darah…
Mahal binatang sengau ni…69 hengget! sengau mcm sarah..lawak memang leh tahan..kalau 25 hengget aku beli..itupun da kire mahal dah…cet…
asalnya aku upload video dia…tp tak keluar…kecewa…kalau tidak leh dgr bunyik sengau dia…cet
Weak
Feeling so weak….
Why i am so hopeless….
Why i am so…………
Three blind mice..
Hoyeh….budak2 kita takle janji…dia akan ingat…dia akan tuntut….kalau tak setiap hari dia remind..dia akan remind setiap jam….
Ok..
Aku dah janji…
Aku kena bawak jugak…
Aku bawak ain dan pija….
Kami bertiga pegi jusco aje..
Walaupun pedih bila ada org hulur pamphlet…
“kak…nak daftar kak? Takaful…insuran untuk anak2..anak2 belajar….”
“bila masa aku beranak?!”
Kekek2 ain and pija gelak!aku tergelak juga….untuk kurangkan rasa kecik hati aku berangan aku ni kimora lee tgh jalan2 bawak ming and aoki…kqh kah kah…baru terase gojes fabeles!!! Hikhikhik….
Pija ne tote
Dia dah besar…dah anak dara dah….tadika dapat nombor 4…sangat kepoh2 mak nenek…tak sejajar dgn aku yg pendiam ni….hokhokhokhokhok
Hekleh….konon2 dapat masuk TV..
Entri ini sebagai penggerak kepada aku untuk kembali dgn entri2 ceria….
(ayat mcm chekgu BM)
Kokon kata da lama takde photo kat blog aku….hehe..bukan aku tak nak hapdet dgn gambar…cumanye mcm rumit2 mak limah bila nak update pakai phone…
Semalam PM dtg yard aku…so ada high tea la konon2..polis toksah ckp la dia punyer ramai…tp masalah pakaian memang takde sbb pakai baju keje…so maintain slekey..pulak tu paginye aku line walk untuk kill punchlist…maka jgn harapla baju aku dalam keadaan segar..
Berikut sedikit sebanyak gambar semalam…gambar PM atas stage kecik sbb dari jauh…masa dia lalu sebelah batt hengpone dah kong…so tak dpt amek…(padahal sibuk melantak otak2)
ooo yea….bubur durian sgt lazat…aku santap dua round…giler lazat….nyum nyum nyum…
Numb
Again…
Another almost sleepless night…
The news he told me yesterday extremely giving me a chill….
Then i had nightmare after nightmare….
Im so scared….feel so insecure…feel so bad….and so sad….
My head numb….
Feel like a living dead….
Being me
Its not easy being me….
Coz i always take the hard steps….
Coz i always choose the twisted path…
Coz i always let my self in the dark….
Surprisingly……
Im happy…
And i never regret being me…
Mirror 1
Im looking at the mirror and i see an ugly image…..
I see a heartless girl…..i see a witch playing ‘im innocent’ game….
The ugly image in the mirror wearing a torn dress….her messy hair falls over her shoulder…her make up spoiled by her tears….
The image in the mirror looking back at me…..she raise her hand and put it on her chest…
“empty……” she whispering in a husky evil voice……she looks down….she looks at her chest……
“it’s empty inside……..”this time she burst into tears…
“you’re a liar……” i say…..hatefully looking to the girl inside the mirror…..
The ugly filthy girl raise her head…..her tears flowing in black….
“im not lying……..hihihi” she giggle…..
“…and you know im not lying….” she smile……
Effortlessly….my hand raised to my own chest…..
I feel no heart beating…..
Silence…..
I look down…look at my chest….
Effortlessly this time….i burst my own tears…..
I raise my head to see…
That the only image in the mirror….
Is me……..
The pain denying stupidity
….because it will never extinct….
If you dont like my blog…why bother reading it….why bother paying a visit after another…..
Sigh…..
I guess stupidity itself is painless….
Rindu
Kamu tahu apa itu rindu?
for me…
Its the emptiness in me…
Its the feeling of u’re so close…but yet so far…..
Its the feeling of your touch but yet u’re out of my reach….
….
I miss you….
………
What with these sorrow morrow entries…..
Its the damn hormone….seriously….
Demi
Pengorbanan itu satu penyiksaan….
Namun pengorbanan itu juga indah…..
Demi yang terbaik….
Demi sesuatu yang kita sayang….
Demi seseorang yang kita cinta…..
Some people might say…that everyone have their happy ending….dont give up coz if its not happy…then its not the end….
I hold onto that for a long time…
But know i’ve grown up……
Happy ending is a fairy tale…
It doesnt exist in reality….
In reality…..ups and down…laugh and tears are ongoing….
Bahagia itu ada….asal kita tahu mahu cari dimana…..
Yang penting…asal kita mahu bahagia…..
Demi sesuatu yang saya cinta…
Demi sesuatu yang saya sayang…..
Pengorbanan itu bahagia…..
Biar perit….
..to see the one i love doesnt get hurt…..is enough to make me happy….
……
Demi…….kamu…
